Written by Grae Westgate
When I’m not coming up with random stuff for Forge and Flint, or doing my best to enhance the minds of the youth of tomorrow, I, along with a few other familiar faces to F&F fans, run a little website called The Busy Bookshelf wherein we take a chilled out look at books of all sorts, be they great works of literature, of the most twee of light reading.
Last night, having completed my current pile of books with Anthony Bourdain’s epic ‘Get Jiro!’, I decided to see, for the first time in many years, what Amazon was offering for free on Kindle these days. And what a shock I was met with! Gone are the days where the selection of free books on Kindle was limited to works that had gone past their copyright constraints. Now we have a collection of some rather fascinating titles which, upon first glance, one does wonder not only who would read such bizarre books, but indeed who would invest the time to write them.
And so, (and with absolutely no offence intended to these books’ writers or readers - blimey, I’ve never finished any of the plethora of books I’ve started writing, so genuine congratulations to anyone who has!), I’ve gathered a few of the more intriguing-looking works, and shall, without reading any blurbs, try to guess what the book is about, going only by the books’ titles and their delightful covers…
When Justice Calls
Suzie Smith is an aspiring young screenwriter living in a run-down studio flat in Notting Hill. Tired of juggling her job at a used bookstore with her dreams of Hollywood, her world is turned around when, one rainy afternoon, she receives a phonecall from a young man looking for a first edition of the Pokemon Guidebook. After managing to seek out a well-worn copy of the guide, she invites the caller to drop by the shop to collect it. Things take a dramatic turn, however, when the caller turns out to be Justice Smith, star of Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom, who just happens to be on the look-out for love…
Say You’re Sorry
Billy and Jamie are best friends. But life at kindergarten can be tough. When Billy accidentally eats Jamie’s Babybel, a playground war of epic proportions erupts, lasting almost an entire breaktime. Will the two be friends again? Or will this cheese-based mistake tear the two apart forever? If only Billy would just say he was sorry…
The Cottage at Hope Cove
Thirty years ago, Edward Monckton committed the most deplorable of crimes. Late one night, whilst driving home drunk in a storm, he hit and killed a young woman. In a panic, he buried the body in the basement of his house. Now, three decades on, he is haunted by a dark spirit intent on revenge. A tale of guilt and ghouls, are you ready to discover the secrets buried beneath the cottage at Hope Cove…?
The Sherrif’s Mail Order Bride
It’s tough to be a lawman in the Ol’ West. Clayton Snakeshoes has been protecting the township of Bogswater for near on fifty years now. He’s dealt with Injuns, bandits and all sorts of varmints, but he’s never had time to find himself the love of a good woman. When the lonely lawman spots an ad for mail-order brides in the local gazette, he jumps at the chance to finally have a little company, but when his perfect woman arrives on his doorstep, the last thing Clay had expected was a battle-ready robot!
Very Irresistible Playboy
The lads at Brumley Prep are horny as hell. As students at an all-boys school in the middle of nowhere, there’s not much opportunity to get their rocks off. The only woman on campus is the gross old lunchlady, and the school doesn’t even have internet access. But there’s one ray of hope… In the nearby village is a corner shop with a famously well-kept top shelf. If only they could get past Mr Basterd, the school’s hard-ass headmaster…
Helping Hands - Milf Erotica
No. You know what? I’m out. At least the others looked like they might have some depth to them. This is what Pornhub is for guys; don’t besmirch your Kindles with this rubbish.
Writing is one of the hardest professions out there. And in no way am I trying to belittle or besmirch these authors. As a fellow writer I salute them for the time and effort they have put in. Peace out, and happy reading.
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