Written by Chad Echakowitz
We love superheroes. We admire them for their bravery, hail them for their strength, and smile at them for their witty banter. But why? Why do we care for these people as much as we do when they actually do the bare minimum to make the world a better place? Superheroes are very much like preventative medicine: they help keep you alive a little bit longer by fending off evil invasions but you’ll ultimately die from something else anyway.
What makes the whole situation worse is the fact that quite a few of these so-called “heroes” could actually make a difference and make the world a better place. These individuals should listen to Michael Jackson’s hit song and take his words to heart: they need to look at themselves and make a change. Here are four of the most despicable, selfish Superheroes who could fix the planet if they wanted to.
Obviously. This dude has super strength, the ability to fly, immortality, and x-ray vision. He literally changed the direction of the planet’s rotation to save his girlfriend. But beyond that, Superman has mad skills.
One of Superman’s lesser utilized powers his is Super Breath, which allows him to produce a freezing blast of wind. In the past, Superman has used this power to freeze his enemies on the spot and catch them before any further evil-doing. What a massive waste of a brilliant power. If you weren’t aware before, let me make it painfully obvious to you now: the climate of our planet is changing. Year on year scientists (plural) have shown an increase of the overall temperature of the planet. Whether you think that it is or is not due to human actions isn’t extremely important right now, but we all have to agree that Earth is definitely getting warmer.
And that’s where Superman could step in. With his super cool Super Breath, he could cool the planet down and refreeze the polar icecaps. He could delay global warming long enough for us to try and fix the problem. Then again, he could help us fix that problem too. Superman has Super Speed, Super Strength, and Heat-ray Vision; all powers that could help clean up the oceans and destroy the massive plastic and garbage problems we have.
Instead of trying to save us from Lex Luthor every once in a while, or focusing on the safety and wellbeing of Louise Lane, maybe he should blow on the melting icecaps and go help pick up some rubbish, the selfish creep. Perhaps, because Superman derives his powers from our Sun, he doesn’t actually want to save the planet. Perhaps this is his plan to become even stronger. Jerk.
Storm is a meteorological wet dream. Storm can control the weather not only on Earth but throughout the Universe. She is ridiculously powerful. Think about it: Storm would be able to terraform planets within a week or so, something science hasn’t even been able to comprehend, let alone bring to fruition.
But that’s not what makes her selfish. Planet Earth is home to over 7 Billion people. A large amount of those people live in poverty, a slightly smaller amount of those people live in arid desserts, living off small amounts of food grown from the harsh, dry lands. Storm could change all of this. Storm could just fly over (or hop on the X-Jet, I guess) to Egypt, or Isreal, or Los Angeles if she’s being lazy, and just storm it up until the land becomes fertile and lush. With her power, she could influence the weather in such a way that we could have enough farmable land to feed the entire world.
“But there would be meteorological consequences for her actions!” I hear you scream. “What would happen to the planet with over population?” I hear you whimper. Well don’t you worry, my sweet summer children. There can be no meteorological consequences because she can control all the weather all the time! Yes, this would be hard work but what kind of Superhero are you if you’re not under immense pressure all the time. And over population would not be an issue. If Storm can terraform a planet, she could make all the surrounding planets inhabitable. We could just move from planet to planet without any problems. Storm even proves this point. At the Xavier mansion, she has a garden with flowers from all over the world, and she uses her powers to water and grow those plants. Instead of using her time wisely to help the planet, she just uses her free time to water her own garden. Rude.
3. The Rich Guys (Black Panther or Ironman or Batman)
This one should be pretty obvious. And, quite frankly, is the closest Superhero power comparable to real life. Money. All three of these Superheroes have incredible wealth and technology at their disposal. Ironman created self-sustaining energy. Batman has all his gadgets which are scientific marvels (pun intended), and The Black Panther is the King of his own country, a country enriched with technological advances. All three of these billionaires could solve issues that plague our modern lives: the energy crisis, poverty, transport, homelessness and so many more. But instead, they squander their wealth and use if for fancy suits and cars. The only Superhero out of the three of them that could actually be called “Super” is The Black Panther because, as we see from the end of the recent film, he begins to share Wakanda’s wealth and knowledge with the rest of the world.
There time is spent thinking of super cool gadgets to help themselves or their friends, instead of ways to help the people they are sworn to protect. It is clear that they aren’t that busy, seeing as they have parties every other night, gala’s on the weekend, and an occasional mission which might last a month, tops.
What is most frustrating about this particular super power is the fact that we have so many wealthy people in our reality who do the same thing. There are multi-millionaires who clutch to their wealth and knowledge, unwilling to share it with the world, content to sit in their bubble while billions of people suffer. They could be the real Superheroes.
4. Captain Atom
Captain Atom is one of many lesser known Superheroes. Nathanial Christopher Adam was once a United States Air Force Officer before he was accused of a crime he did not commit. After being found guilty, he was sentenced to death. But because a comic book would never kill anyone in a normal fashion, Nathanial was “offered” the opportunity to take part in Project Captain Atom. This project has Nathanial sit in an alien ship while an atomic bomb collided with it. There was an extremely slim chance that Nathanial would survive and, of course, he didn’t. After the bomb went off, both the ship and himself seemingly disintegrated.
Eighteen years later and Nathanial magically reappears. Due to the explosion, the alien ship fused with Nathanial’s body, allowing him to interact with the Quantum Field, which gives him the ability to jump forward in time. He also has Super Strength and Invincibility. Thus, he became Captain Atom.
But here’s why he has made it on to this fantastically selfish list. Amongst all his other powers, Captain Atom has the ability to create matter. At one point, he not only created another world, he fabricated another goddamn Universe. He then destroyed both because he didn’t want to be that powerful. The dude is basically a god, and he could use his god-like powers to create food and housing out of thin air. He could even create another identical planet for us to solve population issues. But instead, he uses his powers to become the leader of the Justice League Europe and fight European baddies. This is why you can’t trust Nathanials.
If being a Superhero means saving the planet and the people who inhabit it, these guys are very bad at their jobs. A more holistic approach to their occupations might bring about a better result. We should be holding our Superheroes to a higher standard. With so many of them out there, we can no longer define being “Super” as the ability to fly or punch people really hard. Being Super means saving the world proactively, not just defensively. And every Superhero could benefit from this lesson.
Of course, this is all fictitious and doesn’t make a spot of difference to the real world. So none of this technically matters.